transparency: that’s some scary shit

I’ve been attempting to write my first blog post for days now. This may sound silly, but I am hung up on the title. First impressions are long lasting, so I have been placing a lot of weight on the first thing one might see if they happen upon this page. I think the hesitation is rooted in something different, though.The real reason I am hung up on actually starting what I set out to do is worry. I worry that someone may judge the opinions I have. Worry that I may offend someone. I feel the need to be careful with my words. I worry that if I am honest about how I see things, I am opening myself up to receive unwanted opinions on how I do things.  However, if I am going to do this the right way, I will need to be transparent. I have been struggling with the fact that this blogging thing will actually require me to be transparent, because it is an awfully scary thing to reveal ones inner thoughts, feelings, opinions, or passions. Even still, I hope to be as honest as I can when starting this journey. I know that this hesitation I’ve been experiencing exists because I have allowed my own insecurities to work against what my heart really desires. It doesn’t matter what this page is to everyone else, because they can simply write me off, and close the window on their computer. It matters what this page means to me. This page is freedom. It is a space where I can be free to think, be creative, and maybe even share in common ground with others. On this rainy January day, I am finding the courage to be as real as I can be, while also being aware of the fact that I can’t please everyone. In that realization, there is power and strength, driving me to press, “publish”.

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