drip, drop

the sound of rain dripping outside my bedroom window is familiar, yet different now. one year ago, when i awoke to the startling feeling of my water breaking at 3AM, i didn’t even notice the sound at first.

i instantly was overwhelmed by the unknown. what was i about to endure? “i’m scared,” i thought to myself as i urged my husband awake. i had a freak-out moment…and what i did next would propel me into the single proudest moment of my life.

i stopped the feelings of worry and doubt in their tracks, instead focusing on the sound of the rain, breathing and getting ready for the day. yes, i did my make-up. once the contractions became stronger Brad and i got focused and followed our birth plan, to labor at home for as long as possible until we finally decided it was time to get to the hospital.

i have memories from labor but they are foggy, but for some reason driving to the hospital is clear, the rain sparkled on the windshield as the street lights hit them, keeping me calm and focused. when we got to the hospital and checked into our room, labor kicked into high geer. only a few short hours later I was saying “urge to push”. one year ago, in that moment all I could think about was meeting him for the first time. at 11 AM my husband placed him on my chest. my handsome, baby boy Levi would change my world forever. 8lbs and 9oz that would turn it upside down and challenge me in ways I could have never imagined.

i am obsessed with his every move, facial expression, sound. i have loved getting to know what brings him comfort and how he best learns. that little baby has turned into a clever, strong-willed, loving little guy. neer to walking, 6 teeth, and trying to speak sentences (“Hi DaDa!” counts, right?)…and just a year ago you were just small enough for me to hold you with one arm and listen to the singing sound you would make as i fed you. all the little sounds and movements have now turned into intentional interactions with purpose. You are extremely observant, have an endless amount of energy like your dada and your mama’s strong will; you are wild.

now, it’s 5:30 AM, a year later. the same sound of rain outside my window brings me comfort that there are some constants in this world: the rain will come in the springtime, the hot summer heat will warm the water in my pool, the leaves outside my window will change colors and float to the ground, and the snow will cover the mountains in the winter. the one constant stronger than the change of seasons is the undeniable, unconditional love I feel for him, my wild one year old, Levi Scott.

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